I love it when I can gently confront my clients in a way that changes things for them.
Recently, a client of mine was putting off doing something that we both knew that they needed and WANTED to do in order to get them where they aim to go.
They said they planned to get it done by a certain date, which came... and went.
They said they were all set to do it over the weekend... and hadn't done it by the time we next met.
It was time for a confrontation. Life happens, and sometimes we're not ready when we originally plan to be. The first time it wasn't done, I gave some grace. We still talked about it, but not like this.
This time, I had to ask, "What's stopping you from doing it?"
I was met with an extremely detailed and well thought out excuse. Have we talked about excuses?
(If not, watch my 10-Talk, "YES Excuses," here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/yes-excuses-99007764)
I listened, validated and followed up with another version of the question, "What's preventing you from doing it?"
They gave a list including lack of motivation, the various distractions of daily life, an admission of laziness, tiredness a pattern of procrastination.
I appreciated their honesty and asked, "What do you want?"
We revisited some of their goals, and I pointed out how their behavior indicated that there's part of them that might not want what they say they want.
This is the confrontation.
This is where we get to dig into the real fears behind your lack of action. The fear that's keeping you safe and comfortable because on the other side of action are some BIG unknowns. I assure my clients that all we need to worry about right now is the next step. Once the task at hand is complete, we will focus on the next step. Then the next. One at a time.
You don't have to have it ALL figured out before taking the next step.
A parent can't usually have conversations like this. Believe me, I've made the attempt with my own teenager. The reason I love coaching is because I get to challenge and confront in a way my clients are ready for and can receive. I don't have any stake in my client's success or failure so I am allowed to be fully present and truly neutral.
If you or your young adult are ready to change something you KNOW needs to change, maybe it's time we talk about it and see if I can help.
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