Have you ever heard the phrase, “Fake it ‘til you make it”? It’s a good one. And it rhymes, too, so you know it must have a very important lesson to share with us.
Today I want to talk about confidence. There is plenty of information out there on “imposter syndrome,” which is your basic lack of confidence, but I figure why not add to the rest and share my perspective on it, too.
When I’m not confident in who I am or in my capabilities, I feel out of place, especially in any sort of spotlight. I feel like a fake or phony. And it causes anxiety because one day someone will inevitably find out that I’m human and loudly point to how much of an imposter I am. They will call me a liar and a fraud, most likely very publicly. Then, of course, because of my choice to execute this grand deception, someone will most certainly chuck me out an airlock or something.
I believe that we all struggle with imposter syndrome to a certain degree. For some, the imposter syndrome dresses up like perfectionism. We think we need to be a certain way to be accepted and deserving of love. For others, imposter syndrome means that we say no to something we might really want because we think it’s out of our league. We make excuses. We convince ourselves that our stories are true. We don’t take the trip or accept the promotion or ask that amazing person out on a date. We find ourselves attached to what other people think, not entirely believing the fact that not every opinion holds the same amount of weight.
But whether you want to call it imposter syndrome, lack of confidence, perfectionism, playing small, making excuses, etc., it’s actually just our old friend, fear, showing up again. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of success, even. Fear of letting someone else down. Fear.
What is the best way to conquer fear?
Courage.
Remember, courage isn’t the absence of fear. Having courage doesn’t mean that we don’t feel afraid. What courage means is that even though I am afraid, I’m not going to let it stop me from doing what I really want or being who I truly am.
In this context, “fake it ‘til you make it,” becomes an incredibly valuable piece of advice that you should definitely try out for yourself sometime. Because it’s not faking something from a place of manipulation or sabotage, rather it’s trying on a way of being that you really want for yourself so that you can start to see how well it actually fits. You decide that you want to be a certain type of person, so you begin to do the things that kind of person would do. Eventually, you become exactly that kind of person, but even better because that person is also YOU. And you are wonderful.
“Faking it” is another way of describing courage in action. When you’re used to living life a certain way with a specific group of people around and performing certain habits and routines, making the same choices that lead to the same behaviors you’ve always had, doing something different feels insane. It feels like risking death. Because making a different choice or forming a new relationship or taking any action outside of the ones you’ve already experienced means that you’re about to step into uncharted territory.
In all the “ye olde” maps, that’s where dragons be.
So even a small change in habit or attitude can be absolutely terrifying. Because you have no idea how even one small change in the direction of a more authentic life will ripple out into your comfortable little world with all its structures and stories already so well-defined. When you do decide to try out a new passion from your heart, maybe you’ll totally “fake it” for a little while to see what might be possible on the other side because it feels like less of a risk. In doing this, though, you do end up flexing your courage muscle just a little bit. Even the smallest action in this sense requires a certain level of courage.
If you take the risk to “fake it” as you explore a new avenue of opportunity and growth, and keep showing up, over time, you may find that you no longer feel like an imposter. This new habit, attitude or behavior begins to incorporate itself into your identity. Practicing this kind of courage, if done intentionally and consistently, ends up less about “faking it” and more about becoming confident in it until there’s nothing left but the courage it takes to keep showing up and leading yourself to the edges of your (new, expanded) comfort zone and into the next level.
This is why I absolutely love, “fake it ‘til you make it.” Because it has helped me to try things I never thought I would try, to take risks in work and in life that I might never have explored. And by faking it, I have made it to the level where I can show my clients how playing at a different level than they’re used to playing pays off. When you struggle with confidence, what you really need is the courage to step through your fear and into action. Because practice is the key. The way you practice is the way you play, and if you can practice trying on that courage, pushing through your fears and excuses, then you will begin to embody the confidence you need to get you playing at levels you’ve never imagined possible before.
I would bet that the person whose confidence you most covet still feels like they’re just “faking it” some days, too. But instead of letting their old story hold them back, they push through the fear and do what must be done to take them where they’re going.
If you’re looking for help to get from “fake it” to “make it,” my 1:1 coaching program may be for you. Click below for my calendar to schedule a free, no-pressure conversation so we can see if working together would be a fit.