One of the earliest skills we begin to develop as humans is the ability to sort and classify the objects and people in our environment. The games are simple. Here are some shapes: which one doesn’t belong?
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These games help us to develop our critical thinking skills. We learn to understand relationships, compare and contrast by observation and categorization. The process is necessary for our development and it begins in infancy. Possibly even well before we are born.
Eventually, we begin to see ourselves as the circle looking for where we belong in a world full of triangles.
Of course, this is a bit of an oversimplification. And for me, it has also been true.
When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be an artist when I grew up. When I got to high school, though, and started taking more art classes, the people in those classes didn’t quite seem like “my people.” So my whole identity as an artist kind of fell apart around that time.
I chose to expand and call myself “a creative” in order to see where else I might belong among the other musicians, vocalists, gamers, photographers, painters, poets and performers at my school. But as I did my best to contort my own personality to fit in with those other groups of triangles, my circle-self kept shining through. I made friends who I thought would be in my life forever, and then I lost them. This happened over and over.
I thought, “there must be something wrong with me.”
Because I didn’t fit where I thought I should.
Because everyone else seemed to know who they were and how to be that way in a way that fit.
Because my friends didn’t understand me anymore when I grew or changed, or when they did.
The truth is that none of us are triangles all of the time. Or circles. The triangular people are just as confused about who they are when they’re hanging out with the square people or the circle people or the octagon people. And even the octagon people aren’t octagonal all the time, either.
What I’m getting at is that we need to identify and categorize and make assessments about where we fit because the people we fit with in different aspects of our lives are the ones who will help us to grow more secure in our natural shape. We can mingle with the others AND allow our true shape to shine. We can find a fit even in places where it might look like we shouldn’t. If circle people only hung out with circles, circles become normal. Boring even. But to those who have always only thought in terms of lines and angles, the circle is a marvel.
Whether you feel like you belong where you are or you don’t, you have something to offer the group that surrounds you. And they have something to offer to you. What we learn by sorting and categorizing the world around us is that there is more than one way to classify everything. And your combination of categories is what makes you YOU. You may find that you fit more easily with one group over another. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t belong with the group that challenges your comfort level. And it’s also totally okay to try out something else that might fit better if you need to.
You belong right here. Right where you are. Right now. At this very moment. And maybe it’s not comfortable for you here and now, but it’s true that you belong. There is a reason that you are the way that you are. Your curves or angles are exactly the right tools you need in order to live your unique purpose and to impact the people around you.
How do you find where you fit? You keep categorizing. Keep sorting. There are billions of labels out there that you can try on like new clothes. I know a lot of people don’t like labels or want to be put in a box. But by avoiding labels or boxes entirely, we can never really learn which categories work for us and which ones don’t.
Humans will always have labels. We are hardwired to sort and categorize objects and creatures and plants and each other. As much as you might want to reject labels, by rejecting labels, you then become labeled as a person who rejects labels. We can’t escape it.
We can, however, become less attached to how other people label us.
And the good news is that you don’t have to limit yourself to one label for your whole entire life. You don’t even have to fully commit to any of them. That’s the beauty of people being much more versatile than a simple 2-dimensional shape. You can have your artist friends and your theater friends and your work friends and your movie-watching friends. You are multifaceted, and you get to choose how you move through this life and who moves with you. Will you always fit with one core group? Maybe. But it’s much more likely that as you grow and change, the groups where you belong will evolve along with you.
If you’re looking for a group to evolve with you and help you grow into your highest vision for yourself, schedule a quick conversation with me to see if you might be a good fit for my upcoming group coaching offer, “The Re-calibration Room.” If you’re looking for clarity, community and accountability on your way to your dream life, we’re “your people.”