When I was younger, I told a story about myself that I valued comfort over style when it came to my fashion choices. I never cared about looking a certain way as long as I felt comfortable or connected to the clothes I wore. I am a bright person, so I’ve always loved bright colors. I went to Catholic school for 12 years, 8 of which had me wearing a uniform every day. I didn't mind much because I low key hated having to choose something new to wear every day. I was happy that the uniform included pants and shorts options along with the plaid jumpers and skirts. When I chose my clothes, it was jeans and t-shirts. I never considered myself a dress person.
I didn’t feel comfortable in dresses, though I occasionally wore skirts. I told the story that I was not a dress person. I associated the wearing of dresses with who I was as a person. I was not a skinny jeans or leggings person, either. Not because I didn’t like the style of skinny jeans or leggings, but because putting them on my body didn’t match who I told myself I was.
After doing some work on myself and starting to appreciate all that I am in addition to how I show up in my body, I began to explore different ways to dress myself that I had resisted in the past. I began to challenge my own assumptions about whether I was a dress person or a leggings person or a skinny jeans person. I began to wonder if I could be both comfortable and moderately stylish.
One day a few years ago, I found myself in a thrift store fitting room with a handful of dresses thinking I must be a little bit out of my right mind. I tried them on, and a couple of them fit well, looked great and made me feel happy, so I bought them. I said to myself, “I’m not a dress person, though.” And I responded to myself, “You are now.”
Trying on dresses when you’re not a dress person is like trying on new attributes when you’re not sure how you’ll fit them. Or picturing yourself in your future profession before you've started your first class. As you discover more about who you are, what you value and where you belong, you will associate yourself with different ideas, beliefs and groups, adopting them as part of your identity.
In terms of identity, there is a lot of talk these days about gender and sexual identity. There is room to try on different expressions of gender and sexuality in the same way. That might be part of who you are, and it’s not the only way to identify yourself.
Your values, passion and purpose are important factors in determining how you show up in your life and who you choose to be for yourself and the people around you. When you make the effort to be intentional about these aspects of your identity, a lot of other stuff in life tends to fall into place.
When I decided to BE a dress person, finding dresses to wear became easier. I wasn’t fighting to resist certain ways of clothing myself. Finding things to wear became fun instead of an exercise in futility.
Connecting to your own identity is the most important part of your personal evolution. I can’t inspire you to make any changes in your life if you don’t first believe that you are a person capable of changing. Unless you see yourself as the new version of you, you’re never going to get there. If you’re like most people, you have trouble making meaningful changes or sticking to new habits because you don’t believe that you can change, even though you may deeply want to.
Working with people like you is amazing because I get to show you how to see yourself differently. I get to invite you to question the stories you tell about yourself and try on something new to see how it fits.
You have the power to tell a different story if you want to.
I wasn’t a dress person. Am I now? Sure. And sometimes I'm not. I don't need to be either way all the time.
These days, when I tell myself that I’m not going to do something because it’s “not me,” I’ve gotten wise enough to eventually pick apart my excuses and see what fears are underneath. Sometimes it’s real. Usually it’s a story I’m telling myself and that story doesn’t have to be the only one I tell.
Here’s a challenge for you. Think about a story you’ve been telling yourself about who you are. Ask yourself what you gain from telling that story. How is it serving you? How is it not? Would you be open to changing some of the details that don't fit? It starts with you and your beliefs about yourself. Who do you think you are? Who do you want to be? Go be that person.