I have a big personality. I have an insatiable curiosity. I have a tendency toward action. I struggle with patience. I like to be in charge. I shine as the center of attention.
Submission has never come easily to me. In fact, the word itself has always felt restrictive. To me, submitting felt like shrinking. Like dying.
I had a church wedding. As I chose which readings to include in the service, I purposefully avoided any of the passages that talked about submission. I resisted the idea that submitting should apply to me, a modern young woman. I justified my unwillingness to submit by telling the story that the Bible was written by the ancient men who benefited from women’s subservience. Submission on those terms meant doing whatever your husband said to do whether you agreed with it or not. Submission meant that the man’s position was the authority, that what he says goes any time there is a disagreement in the marriage. I took the call to submission as a threat to my autonomy, my agency and my very identity.
In other words, I didn’t want to be told what to do. Not by my husband and not by God or by any of the other dead men who transcribed His words so long ago.
Fortunately for me, the man I chose to marry didn’t feel the need to be in charge. He didn’t mind a strong, force-of-nature kind of woman. He didn’t argue about the details of our marriage ceremony that were important to me, like finding alternatives to the following verses:
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. -Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. -Colossians 3:18
A few years later, I found myself participating in a Bible study, which brought me to a deeper understanding of God’s truth than I had ever experienced before. Not even in Catholic school. Every week, the lessons challenged me and gave me a new insight into what the Bible actually said. I seized the opportunity to examine what I actually believed about myself and God’s purpose for my life. I learned more about why submission is important to God and what submission looks like in a marriage and in a modern life.
I learned that I’m not the only wife who struggles with the whole submission thing.
I learned that wives are not alone in being called to submit, obey, surrender.
In fact, Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” and Collosians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
The Bible, along with every other tome of personal growth, calls all of us to be better than our default. We are called to confront the parts of ourselves that resist discomfort. We are called to a better life for our own good and for the good of our community.
I want to tell you that over the years, I’ve been successful in balancing my reckless leadership with righteous submission, but it wouldn’t be the truth.
My role as a wife hasn’t always looked like what God had in mind when it comes to submission. There have been occasions when my decisive actions, impulsive nature and lack of patience made my husband feel more like he was on the receiving end of a steamroller instead of being gently and lovingly influenced by his good and faithful wife. And as I lean more into leadership and embrace my gift for influencing others, I feel that it’s important to be mindful of the call to submit.
Over the course of my marriage, I have been both the overbearing leader and the compliant follower. Because as I learned more about God’s call to submit, I found myself deferring, withholding, sacrificing and compromising more than what might have actually been necessary. And I don’t want to do that anymore, either. So it’s time to find the balance.
I’m a big proponent of the AND. It’s possible to be bold, inspiring, impactful and audacious as a leader AND be humble, generous, obedient and submissive at the same time. I believe it’s not only possible, but absolutely necessary.
As a coach, instructor, entrepreneur and facilitator of others’ growth, my ultimate goal is to step fully into my God-given strengths and gifts in a way that shows others how to do the same and step into their own unique power.
Again, I would love to give you the answer to what this practically looks like, but I honestly don’t know. As I embrace my gifts and the gift of my relationships and ability to lead others, I will be making a conscious effort to find this balance between who I am and who I’m challenged to become in both leadership and submission. And I’ll adjust when necessary.
What about you? What has submission looked like in your life? Do you struggle with any conflicts between who you are and who you’re called to be? Even if you’re not a Bible reader, what challenges you when you’re considering how to lead or live in alignment and integrity?