Last week, my 10-year-old came home from school and unpacked his folder. He pulled out a light blue prize ribbon, and he said, “I think I’m just going to throw this away.”
Now, this is a kid who is usually very proud of all his activities and accomplishments, so I asked him why he wanted to throw out his ribbon. He started telling me about the chess tournament he did at school and how he lost in the first round. He didn’t really think he should have gotten a ribbon just for participating in one match and losing right away.
Normally, I would agree. In general, I think that excessive participation medals or trophies do a disservice to our young people. Failure is a wonderful teacher, after all. In this case, though, it was just a ribbon, not a fancy medal or a trophy to take up valuable dresser-top real estate. And as I considered how to respond to his statement, it occurred to me that this is another one of those issues with some nuance I hadn’t really thought about before.
Who gets these participation awards, anyway? Unlike some of the memes you may see circulating, it’s actually not everyone. As the name implies, the ones who participate are the ones who get the award. And what I see out there in the so-called “real world” is that the majority of the population are spectators. A smaller group are participants, and the “winners” come from that pool of participants. Not everyone gets a medal for showing up because not everyone even shows up in the first place.
This might be a controversial opinion, but there is something to be said in favor of participation trophies.
For example, when it comes to martial arts, the majority of the population will go through their whole lives and never set foot inside a gym or dojo, much less step out onto the mat. Most people will never get the white belt, which is, let’s be honest, the participation trophy in this example. Everyone who shows up willing to learn martial arts will begin as a white belt. So essentially, you get celebrated that way just for showing up. This celebration comes with the expectation that by showing up, you’re beginning your journey to a higher level. Showing up is the first and most important step.
Don’t be afraid to celebrate yourself for showing up because, as I mentioned, most people don’t. The bulk of humanity is camped comfortably in the realm of the spectator. If they weren’t, TikTok wouldn’t be a thing; Instagram wouldn’t be a thing; YouTube would not be a thing. You get the idea. When you choose to stop spectating and take action instead, even when you fail, that’s still more than most people are doing.
When did it become a bad thing to begin as a beginner? I talk a lot about failure because if we’re failing it means we’re learning and growing; it means we’re making a choice to do something that we’re not already good at or do something we’re not yet comfortable doing. I am very much a person who takes action. This can be awesome! Or I might crash and burn as a result of failing to think things through before I act. In my experience, though, action always leads to deeper learning than standing still, even when I fail epically. I’ve grown in profound ways through taking action on my ideas and participating in new activities. I’ve grown by leaps and bounds just because I chose to show up. Earning my white belt led to doing whatever it took to earn my black belt. And as I continue to train, I continue to see progress. I couldn’t have earned my black belt and enjoyed getting thrown around on the mats at my age without having earned that first “participation award,” aka, the white belt.
The way I look at the participation trophy has evolved. I used to be against them for many of the reasons you see in the memes. I have participated in events in which I got a medal just for completing the activity. As someone who tends toward minimalism, I honestly don’t need to bring home a thing that will either get stuck in a drawer or tossed in the trash, but I do enjoy that moment at the end of the event when I’m handed the medal in celebration of finishing what I started. In celebration of showing up to do a thing that many other people chose not to do.
My son chose to play chess instead of goofing around during his unstructured time at school. Not every 4th grader is going to make that same choice. Most of his classmates did not come home with a participation ribbon that day. He did. So I told him that he is indeed an exceptional person because he chose to show up and be a participant. He chose to take action and get in the game. He’s rare because he’s stepping onto the mat every day and as a result, winning is only a matter of time.
Some people are so concerned with losing or afraid of failing that they don’t even go for a participant ribbon. What about you? What would it take for you to take a chance and go for the participation award today? What’s something you’ve been thinking about doing, but you’re not sure that you’ve got the talent or the skill to compete? (It doesn’t have to be a literal competition, either.)
Have you been doing a lot of research before making a commitment? Have you been distracting yourself with games or social media instead of learning that new skill? Have you been saying yes to everyone else in order to avoid confronting what you really want to say yes to for yourself? Think about what it would take to get you off of the sidelines in that area. What would have to shift in your mind, in your heart, in your spirit? Who would you have to become to do or have that thing?
If you really think about it, not everyone gets a participation award. And if you’re anything like me, you really do want to be one of the people who gets at least that participation award. And you don’t want to stop there. If you’re anything like me, you want to go for more and keep going until you win.