Over the last several weeks, I’ve been hosting weekly virtual group conversations on creating balance through the holiday season. We began before Thanksgiving and will continue through the New Year.
I wanted to share some of the insights that this group has brought to the conversation, and even though Christmas is over, most of what we discussed can be applied throughout the year. If you’re still looking for some support to process your holiday experience or stay balanced and present with your family, especially children home from school on winter break, I’m offering free 1:1 Holiday Balance coaching calls through January 5, 2022.
Family Drama
(November 16, 2021)
It's not about you, even if they're talking about you.
Say yes to yourself so that saying no to the burdensome demands becomes easier.
Give yourself a reasonable time to be at an event, then check in with yourself. If you're enjoying yourself, stay, if not, give yourself permission to leave.
Expect others to be who they are instead of hoping that they'll somehow be who you've always wanted them to be.
Make time outside of the holiday craziness to really connect with your family one or a few at a time.
Food
(November 23, 2021)
Thanksgiving isn't really about the food.
Making intentional food choices is a common struggle. Especially if you have been working to build healthier habits throughout the year.
It's difficult to be the only one who makes different food choices at holiday gatherings (yes, we circled back to family drama here, too).
We can challenge our attachments to certain foods.
There are many ways to respect tradition while balancing a commitment to eat mindfully.
It’s okay to throw out excessively sweet/unhealthy “food.”
Finances and Gifts
(November 30, 2021)
Three words to keep in mind about spending time or money on others:
Expectation | Intention | Priority
Manage your own and others' EXPECTATIONS when it comes to gift-giving. Set expectations early with family members who tend to go overboard. Consider your own expectations when receiving gifts. Just because someone else is buying gifts for you and everyone, does that mean that you also need to do the same?
Be INTENTIONAL about your giving. There are many different ways to give a gift, and many kinds of gifts that don't cost any money at all.
Consider:
taking more time to give/open gifts
giving over the course of several nights, as in Hanukkah
deciding as a family to donate part of the gift budget to a meaningful charity
creating something handmade
writing a heartfelt letter
giving the gift of time (planning a special outing together)
The rest of the year, you make decisions based on what you value, so why compromise your values just because it's a holiday? PRIORITIZE gift-giving and gift-receiving approaches that align with your personal and family values.
If you value togetherness, offer presence instead of piling up the presents.
If you value gratitude and teach your children to appreciate their blessings, make sure to express thankfulness.
If you value serving others, volunteer together.
If you’re practicing minimalism or sustainability, give consumables or experiences instead of products.
If you're a small business, support small businesses when you shop for gifts, food, beverages and travel.
Magic Making
(December 7, 2021)
Q: What makes a holiday "magical"?
A: Being together.
Togetherness might take different forms. For some, we feel connection when giving/receiving gifts. For others, it's sharing a meal or continuing a beloved tradition.
When we focus on each other, the choices we make about our activities become easier. Like in business, when we keep our WHY in mind, clarity follows. We can let go of what doesn't fit and create space for what does.
To relieve some of the pressure when it comes to making magic:
GIFTS
For older gift recipients, combine the presents into larger bags/boxes to reduce wrapping time/waste.
If possible, wrap presents as they are purchased/delivered.
To prevent eager young hands from jumping the gun with gifts under the tree, presents can remain in the giver's possession until a predetermined time (Christmas Eve after dinner/church, etc.)
For larger families/gatherings, instead of buying everyone something small and useless, put together family gift baskets with things that anyone would enjoy (craft or baking supplies, themed experience gifts, etc.). Bonus: have families compete in silly games for their choice of basket.
For teens/adults, find fun ways to deliver cash/gift cards. For example: https://youtu.be/JmOIAhGTmsg
EXPERIENCES
Communicate your limitations and get the rest of the family on board.
Christmas music, movies and stories shared can make very magical memories without much financial/emotional/physical investment.
Experiences for the kids: baking, gingerbread houses, craft making, chocolate pretzels, cookie decorating, viewing lights.
Mindfully evaluate traditions, and intentionally choose whether to change, drop or keep them. Especially if you notice stressful feelings around a specific activity.
If you have older tweens/teens who are "in the know" about how Christmas magic happens, ask them to help with shopping, wrapping, planning games or activities for the younger ones, elves, etc.
For you magic makers out there, even Marcus Aurelius has some advice for you: "Do not be ashamed of help."
Big Feelings
(December 14, 2021)
In all the anxiety and overwhelm that can happen as a result of all the activities and emotions that come up, it's important to continue to check in with yourself and with each other. What is the ONE thing that you most enjoy about the holidays? What about the people who are most important to you? Once you've got that ONE thing aligned, any other magic that happens is gravy!
Grief never goes away. Both recent and more distant losses can color thoughts and feelings during the holiday season. And it's okay not to feel happy all the time. At the same time, look for opportunities to experience joy and gratitude because it's not healthy to stay in the sadness indefinitely. Give yourself time, and then move.
If you’re dealing with grief during this season, this article might help.
Whatever is going on, it's not going to be perfect. But sometimes the most imperfect experiences make the most perfect memories to cherish later. Embrace the chaos and expect the unexpected!
Be intentional.
Slow down.
Breathe.
Prioritize.
Create your own traditions.
Make self-honoring choices.
Say "no" when you mean "no."
Wrapping Up
(December 21, 2021)
Our last call before Christmas was a variety pack of shared learning. Some words of wisdom from our participants:
Keep the main thing the main thing.
Remember to appreciate the imperfections that make the holidays perfect.
There are different ways to honor and experience grief, and whatever way works for you is okay.
Notice and appreciate the little things.
You don't have to keep doing the same things you've always done just because you've always done them.
Examine your expectations. Adjust the unreasonable ones. Communicate the reasonable ones.
As parents/adults, we set the tone. Be patient and grateful if that's what you want to see from others.
Do things for the holiday that are things you don't normally do so that those memories stand out as special.
Something I’ve really enjoyed about these calls is how a lot of the practices we’ve discussed can translate into our everyday lives. We can bring the same intentional choosing and aligned behaviors to other family gatherings or even a normal Wednesday dinner or drive to karate class. If you’re looking for support in any of these areas, let’s talk.