“I’m just angry at everything,” my teenage son told me this afternoon. In other words, he’s perfectly on track, developmentally speaking. When your teenager directs their clusters of rage at you, however, it can feel anything but normal.

I’m no stranger to feeling a certain way for no discernible reason. It’s a scary thing not to know what feelings are real and warranted and which percentage of the emotion I can write off as a passing rush of hormones. Even as an adult, I’m still learning new ways to navigate my big emotions. We are all feeling a little bit overwhelmed.

Life in general is full of stress and anxiety, and our emotional landscape is only one piece of the puzzle. Seasonal circumstances only add to it. School is about to start, and there is a massive array of tasks and activities to get through over the next couple of weeks. Even for the most organized and adept scheduling masters, the struggle of the juggle is real. So it’s important to reflect on what we can learn in the midst of it.

In my house, we are juggling all the usual things plus–for the first time ever–a high school sport. My freshman son is on the cross country team this fall, and it’s no coincidence that his team involvement is not only offering him an outlet for his abundant physical energy, but also providing him (and me, too) some important lessons for life itself.

Here are three lessons I hope that my son learns from participating in a team sport this year:

1. Belonging

The current generation of young people are hungry for connection. They have been slowly slipping into greater and greater isolation, a trend that began long before these last two years. We have done our best as a family to combat this growing isolation. We have participated in various communities at school, church and karate, but friendships today just don’t look the same as they did when I was young. I don’t know many of the people that my son calls friends. Most of his social interactions take place online, out of my sight. And his hesitation to socialize offline often has us wondering if we should be concerned about him or if it’s just the way things are these days.

It is exciting to see new levels of social engagement available to him by being part of a team. They meet daily, work for common goals and create their own culture to fit the individuals involved. He will practice offline communication, which is still important, and learn new ways to express himself and find common ground with a broader range of people. 

At the bonus level, as his mom, many of the same opportunities are also available for me to meet and get to know some of the other athletes’ parents and families, too.

2. Autonomy

Belonging to a team teaches responsibility and accountability. At the same time, these young athletes are learning how to human without the constant parental oversight they had at the elementary and even the middle school levels. There are times they need to get themselves to practice. There are times when they need to adjust their physical performance as a result of exhaustion or injury. They are learning what they need and how to speak up for themselves. They are learning how to balance academics, athletics, sometimes jobs and other extracurricular activities. They are taking ownership of each of these experiences, and growing more fully into themselves.

My son is learning how to manage his own emotions. How to rise to a challenge. How to make the most of a tough situation. He is learning that action yields results, that how you practice is how you play. He’s learning how to lead himself.

3. Commitment

After almost every practice, my son tells me how much he hates running and wants to quit. Commitment is the biggest lesson I hope he learns through this season. Of course, as a parent, I don’t want to force my kid to do something that he hates or something that’s bad for him. I don’t want to push if the pushing will cause him harm. All summer long, I’ve been checking myself to ask whether I’m pushing too hard or not hard enough. I talk to him often about commitment. Even before the season started, I told him that this was going to be something I expected him to stick with until the end. Of course, he hates being reminded that he agreed.

Developmentally, I know that his priorities are not going to be on self improvement or his future life right now. The long game is not even on his radar. His priorities are squarely in the realms of having fun, playing video games and eating all the food in the fridge. This is completely normal, and another benefit of belonging to a team of athletes is the support network that comes with it. I know that he aspires to a certain level of strength and physical fitness. I know that he will be influenced by the gains he begins to see in his stamina, speed and muscle. He will look to his teammates for ways to match or exceed their levels for himself. My hope is that he will see that keeping his commitments to himself and others is a powerful way to achieve his goals.

I honestly don’t care if my son is a state champion cross country runner or if he comes in last at every race. This has nothing to do with running and everything to do with developing the man he will become. It’s about going the distance. It’s about putting in the effort to figure out what kind of person he wants to be, how to find his place in the world and discover what he’s capable of achieving through focused action and with the right support. 

I said to him the other day, “You know, this is about so much more than running.”

We parents need to remember this, too, especially when we find ourselves on the receiving end of their big emotions and all the drama of high school sports and non-sports. We, too, are going the distance. We’re in it for the long haul, through success and failure. We’re here to be the port in their storm, to celebrate and support, and to show them that none of us are perfect. No one has all the answers, and none of us have it all figured out yet, but together, we can go far beyond what any of us can imagine alone.