My birthday is in December. And I also happen to enjoy a certain Red Robin hamburger (it’s the banzai burger). So I’ve been a member of their rewards club for many years. These days, we don’t really eat out much, and when we do, we tend to try new things, but I still get a special email from Red Robin as my birthday approaches each year. Sometime during the month of my birthday, I get a free burger. Having been working on some marketing of my own for my business recently, I understand that the intention of this incentive is to get me into the building with a few other people who don’t have December birthdays and spend plenty of money beyond that freebie.

But that’s not how I roll. Most birthdays, I actually go somewhere else, (like this year we ate sushi), and there was one time, a few years ago, when I went to Red Robin at lunchtime alone and ate my burger by myself. I’m not sure I even ordered a fancy beverage. This year, I did the same thing. I went out with friends for my birthday dinner, and on the very last day of the year, the last possible day I could redeem my free burger, I took myself to lunch.

There are several reasons to take myself out for a solo meal like this: 1. I like the burger. 2. I like the company. In fact, I spend so much time with other humans relying on me that the idea of only having to worry about feeding myself is extremely appealing. And 3. If I take those people out to eat with me, I’ll have to spend more money that I don’t really have during the holiday season at a place we wouldn’t normally eat. Again, I know this is exactly the point of the promotion from the restaurant’s end, but I’m not so easily swayed. At least not for a burger.

But here’s the meat of the situation. See what I did there? I almost didn’t do it. I almost justified standing myself up because I thought about the leftovers in the fridge and the story in my head that only psychos eat alone in a restaurant. My husband was even off of work that afternoon, so I almost invited him to join me. Ultimately, I realized that all of the thoughts and excuses I was coming up with were just my fear talking. My fear of being judged. My fear of stepping out into the world as myself to do what I wanted to do.

And don’t we all struggle with this on some level? Maybe you have no hesitation about going out and grabbing a bite to eat with yourself. Maybe you chat up the waitstaff and are thrilled to be in the world mingling with strangers and making new friends. Maybe you’re even a “regular.” But maybe you struggle with a different way of showing up for yourself. Maybe you haven’t gone to the doctor yet about that thing because you “just know” it’s going to be bad news. Maybe you spend all your time interacting online and are a super mega star influencer because you’re actually really awkward around people in real life, and you’re not ready to merge those identities and embrace your whole truth. Maybe it’s more subtle. Maybe you serve others to your breaking point and accept their thanks and praise for your generous actions so that you don’t have to risk just BEing.

Maybe it’s something else. But it’s something. You’re human, after all.

So I took a hard look at my excuses to avoid lunch alone with myself at Red Robin. Here are a few more of them: Because of the time of the afternoon, I anticipated there wouldn’t be many diners and I would be intruding on the staff’s downtime. I didn’t want to be one of those people sitting at a table blind to the world around me and looking at my phone. At the same time, I didn’t want to be one of those psycho creeps who just stares into space or even worse, at other people. If I had to choose, though, I think I’d choose the latter. I’d rather be in the world than distracting myself from my surroundings. Though I do often enjoy the distraction. 

I also knew that my husband was planning to cook a delicious New Year’s Eve dinner of shrimp scampi for our family, so I maybe shouldn’t have a big burger for such a late lunch and spoil my appetite. I almost convinced myself that not going out for my birthday burger would be the generous thing to do.

Almost.

This fall, I really began to look at my blocks when it comes to receiving. Over the last several years, I’ve been stuck in many ways. I’ve been convinced that generosity meant giving myself away. And even though I knew that logically I couldn’t give what I didn’t have, the acceptance and integration of self care and self-honoring practices was slower to arrive. In November and December, I worked on my mindset and unpacked some of my beliefs around receiving in order to open myself up to more abundance. I am still generous. And now my generosity starts with giving to myself and receiving my own love and support. By doing this for me, I have opened myself up to receiving from others. Which I have. In abundance. As a result, I feel better equipped to give even more. 

Funny how that works.

Later this week, I will be heading to Florida to visit my parents. They are excited to have me, but they understand that my long weekend with them is really a retreat for myself. I’m not sure that I have ever traveled alone in my life. And granted, because my parents will be transporting and housing me, I’m not sure this even counts as “alone.” But it feels like a big step. Especially since again, I won’t be responsible for feeding or caring for anyone else but me on this trip. It’s a little bit scary. Like my birthday burger lunch, but on a slightly larger scale. And I’m so excited to even have this fear because it means I have already received the opportunity to do this and because it’s my time to just be. To let all my self-limiting stories and other distractions dissolve as I connect with myself in one of my favorite spots in the whole world, the beach on the ocean.

So what excuses have been coming up for you? Especially this time of year as you’re reflecting back and looking ahead. Is there something you need to let go? Something you need to draw in closer and embrace with your whole heart? What is it? How can you go there? What’s stopping you? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments or connect with me one-on-one.

Have a phenomenal 2022!