Words are powerful. And they don’t always mean what we think they mean. I was talking to one of my sons some time ago, and we were on the subject of goal setting. We talked about some of the things he would need to do to meet his goal, and he said, “I’ll try.”

It occurred to me that those two words, “I’ll try,” had been a huge part of his vocabulary, and in that moment I really woke up to the fact that his “try” wasn’t serving him. Often, that word, “try” is not the most effective word for us to use when talking about our life choices.

Once you decide to make a change that will make you stronger, smarter or healthier and say, “I’m trying,” there’s an escape hatch built into your experience. I’m trying a new diet. I’m trying a new routine. I’m trying to read a book each week. Your use of the word “try” lets you off the hook of making a real commitment.

When I was talking with my son, I invited him to use different words when planning and intention setting. Instead of “I’ll try,” how about simply, “I will.” That’s a great start. Let’s go further. In karate, the path to Black Belt will be littered with challenges. There is no if. When things get difficult, what happens to “try” then? Are you still trying as you trudge your way through the muck? As you fight to come out the other side? Not likely. Sometimes, when you start in “try,” you find your true commitment in the midst of the challenges. Other times, try gives you permission to turn back because you weren’t really as committed as you thought.

In Star Wars, when Yoda told Luke, “Do. Or do not. There is no try,” he was encouraging commitment. To become a Jedi, you DO the things the Jedi does. There’s no other option. To become a Black Belt, you DO the things a Black Belt does. To quit smoking, you must quit smoking. Will it be difficult? You bet! Will trying get you quitting? Maybe. But probably not. 

It’s ultimately about your identity. If you make a commitment to quit smoking, you have to decide that you don’t smoke anymore. Saying, “I’m trying to quit.” is totally different than, “I don’t smoke.” or “I’m a non-smoker.” Because with those last ones, you put on a new identity. You no longer identify as a smoker. “I’m trying to quit,” keeps you in the smokers’ box. You get to choose how you see yourself. You can adopt the identity that someone else has given you or that your past self has grown comfortable wearing, or you can choose a new way of looking at yourself and your circumstances that might serve you better.

“Try” dances in the comfort zone and maybe pushes to the edges just a little bit. But under pressure, “try” gives up and decides that the work is too hard to be worth the unknown reward. 

None of us are promised an easy life. Not even Jesus promised an easy life for his followers. He told us, “In this world, you WILL have trouble.” He knows the challenges, hardship, trauma, difficulty, suffering, etc. we will face. And he gave us free will and resilience and connection to each other and to God so that we can reap the rewards on the other side. “But take heart!” he says, “I have OVERCOME the world.” (John 16:33)

What are you committed to doing, to building, to becoming for yourself or for the people you love? How do you do it?

1. Let the old story go. Stop saying the same things you’ve always said. Stop holding onto the things you’ve always held onto.

2. Time to try. And this way of using the word means to playfully invite something new into your life, like trying on a new pair of pants to see how they fit. See how the new identity feels. Could you get used to it? Could you become it?

3. Keep going even when it gets hard.

It really is that simple. Simple, though, is NOT always easy. How can you be a morning person? Simply get up in the morning and get moving. How can you do that when you bed is so comfortable and warm? Remind yourself of the benefit of the new action. You’re getting stronger. Smarter. Healthier. More balanced. More productive. More intentional. Whatever your motivation might be. And then just do it. Like Nike says. 

Do. The. Thing. 

Simple. Not easy. 

Begin with identity. Continue with action. Remind yourself of your commitment when it gets tough to keep going. The result? You create the life you want. Piece by piece. Step by step.

When my son wanted to learn to script a video game. He talked about finding the code he needed so he could copy and paste it to make it work. Then he realized that doing that wouldn’t actually help him learn the script. He failed a number of times to make the game do what he wanted it to do. And he’s determined to get it right and figure it out. I know that by doing it this way, the learning will stick with him longer than if he took the shortcut. He knows it, too.

In what area of life have you “tried” to make a change? What happened? Have there been other times when you made a commitment instead? When did you overcome something momentous? Have you ever run a marathon? Have you quit smoking? Have you healed a trauma? Revived a failing relationship? Overcome an illness or injury? Have you learned a language? Earned a black belt? We all have stories of overcoming obstacles, victories big and small. Did you “try” for those wins? Or did you give yourself no other option than to succeed?

Is there anything in your life that you wanted to try or something you started doing but didn’t finish because it got too difficult? Can you make a commitment and do what it takes? I invite you to think of Yoda every time you hear yourself or someone close to you say, “I’ll try.” Change the language, change the thought, change the outcome. Stop trying, and do.