The other day, I was doing my morning shower meditation, and the phrase, “I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you,” came into my mind.

Interesting. I followed the thought along and I started to realize that this stupid childhood rhyme might have more of a point to it than merely being a witty comeback for when someone insults you or calls you names.

And it’s effective enough for diffusing a negative and childish interaction, that’s true. But as I meditated on this a little bit longer, I remembered something that I heard a long time ago about how the qualities in others that I find most annoying are the very qualities that I actually dislike about myself. As this sunk in again, I thought about the last several years and the ways that people have been interacting with each other. Especially online.

I want to be the first to admit that I held onto a lot of disappointment, resentment and even hate for my fellow humans during the last few years. There has been a lot of political uneasiness and a lot of systems at play that hold people back from living their fullest lives. On both sides. Yes. Both.

Currently, I don’t identify with either of the two largest political parties. Or even with the smaller ones. I have my own thoughts and opinions and beliefs about how things should work or be, but I’m not in charge. So I have come to accept that there will always be something about the way things work that I don’t like or agree with. 

What has evolved for me over the last few years has been my awareness of how we are all more alike than different. When I claim to be better in some way than someone else, that’s my ego trying to make me feel better about myself. Because on some level, I am insecure. And afraid.

And that’s what I’m getting curious about today. And I invite you to do the same. If I’m calling someone an idiot–in my own head or in a tweet–what I think that I’m doing is putting myself in a position of intellectual superiority. See how well I can identify the stupid and the foolish? Therefore, I must not be either of those things.

When I point my finger at someone else, there’s three other fingers pointed back at me.

What might I be missing when I call out the ignorance in someone else? What I’m missing is the entire rest of the person in whom that so-called ignorance resides. Maybe someone disagrees with me, so I write them off because I think that I’m right and there’s no way they can be redeemed if they hold such a despicable opinion. And while that might solidify my social status among others in my echo chamber who hold the same belief as I do, is it really the most effective way to relate to other humans? To learn? To grow?

I happen to know that every single one of us can be redeemed. No matter what. That’s because I follow Jesus, but even if you don’t, there is a reason that we have been created or evolved to be the way that we are.

We know that the path to understanding, connection and community starts with love.

We know that the path to anger, hate and suffering starts with fear.

So when I see people name calling and wishing harm upon each other, I have learned that there is a scared human on the other side of those harsh words (sometimes it's me). It always comes down to fear. Always. And when I really start to understand this on a holistic level, it becomes easier for me to have compassion and to choose love instead.

I want to invite you to look at your biases. Really take a hard look at them. Because we all have them. And those biases and critical impulses have a reason for rising up in you. This is a signal for you to examine your own deeply held beliefs. Your stories and the justification that you use for acting in a negative way toward another broken and beautiful human being. What is really true? Is it really true that the person you’re pointing at is garbage?

How do you know? What part of yourself are you afraid might also be garbage?

This is hard work. It’s uncomfortable and it can disorient you as you confront some cognitive dissonance when you begin to realize that the people who trigger you are also parts of yourself. I know because I’ve done some of this work. And I’ve actually come to a place where I can love and pray for my enemies as Jesus commands in Matthew 5:44, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” It requires humility and realizing that I am not without sin. I am no better than anyone. And I am loved. I am valued and chosen, flaws and all. I am saved and redeemed by the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus.

Sorry if the Bible stuff is a step too far, but that's a huge point of reference for me.

Let me say it in a more secular way. We are all here for a reason, whether you believe in God or not. Each one of us has the potential for greatness. And we all have the opportunity to choose love over fear. Some of us will never get to that place. For those people, your self-righteous rage and insults will only build bigger walls, division, more isolation. If you can get curious about the anger and the fear underneath, compassion will begin to seep in, and restoration becomes possible. Even if you continue to disagree. 

I don’t think there are any garbage people. Or maybe a more accurate truth is that we are all garbage. However, we are not beyond redemption. We are only hurt and afraid, and when I remember my own wounds and my own fears, I get closer to understanding and loving others who are most definitely in the same boat.

And that’s why I’m rubber, you’re glue resonates with me these days. None of this is about anyone else but me. Your fear and anger and hate are not about me. My fear and anger and hate are not about you.

It’s not about me. And it’s all about me. I’m the rubber and I’m the glue. Are you?