Sometimes, I feel blocked creatively because preparing to make something feels like it will take more time or effort than it’s worth. Think of yarn-related crafts like knitting or crochet. Have you ever gone into your supply bin and noticed huge knots of tangled yarn in the perfect color for the project in your head, and you know you have to start making sense of the whole mess in order to get to the good part? A few months ago, I had this very experience. 

Someone had given me a bag full of yarn, and inside were mostly new skeins wound factory perfect. A few of the colors, however, had probably been used before and come quite undone, jostling around in the bag with the rest until no memory of the former ball of perfection remained. Naturally, I put off dealing with any of that yarn for as long as possible. Until one day, I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I pulled out that big tangle of yarn and got to work.

As I sat with this process, it became very meditative, and I realized that taking this yarn from snarl to ball was a really great metaphor for coaching. Follow me through these steps to see what I mean.

The Knots

Maybe you’re like most people I talk to, who would say your mind feels messy, chaotic and all over the place. You don’t really know how it got to this point of anxiety, overwhelm and confusion for you, but you’re waking up to the fact that your disorganized thoughts and disoriented life are not serving you very well. This cacophony has finally reached a crescendo, it’s taken up too much space and bumping up against other things in your brain in ways you can no longer ignore. You begin to realize that making some sense of it will improve your situation. You don’t really know how to start to untangle everything that’s jammed up, so maybe you talk to a friend or find a mentor, a therapist or a coach.

Start at the End

Taking a step back and getting some perspective, either on your own or from someone else, will help you locate the starting point, which is actually the end. The present. The now. Once you accept where you are, you begin to learn what you need to do to take the first steps toward improving. You’ll follow the thread where it leads. Like beginning to wind up a little ball of yarn, as you follow it through, other things will come up–things that don’t make sense, memories, beliefs, triggers. This is where patience is required. Not everything will connect all at once. There’s an art to untangling knots–pull too hard and you’ll screw yourself later. It’s better to weave in and out, knowing that whatever needs to loosen will present itself precisely when you’re ready to loosen it.

Pattern Recognition

You’ll weave in, out, over, under and through what you think you know and discover what you forgot. You may have to double back, return to places, programs, experiences again and again. You’ll look at them from different angles, in different contexts. You’ll run into things that look completely unrelated to each other but combine to reveal the stories, thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that have gotten you this far. Lessons you thought you learned a long time ago are reinforced or unravel completely. 

Trust the Process

This goes on for a really long time. So long that it can seem like nothing is happening. Nothing is changing. You still see so many tangles. You feel like you’ve done so much work but have little to show for it because you’re looking at how much there is left to go. Having someone walk through it all with you can show you how each step is getting you closer to what you want, the clarity and confidence to choose differently and create a better path for yourself. It might seem like there’s very little forward momentum and you feel like you were better off before you started. To keep with the yarn metaphor, resist the urge to run for the scissors or chuck the whole thing in the trash.

Integration

Often, you’ll spend some time continuing to make the same mistakes, struggling with the same issues. But you’re more aware of the ineffectiveness of your choices now and your tendency will be to beat yourself up over this repetition. It can feel like going backwards. Like when you lose your grip on the ball of yarn in your hand, and a bunch of it comes undone. Sometimes it takes us a while to apply new learning and convert it into understanding and action. This happens over and over again. And this is actually building your confidence even as it continues to feel frustrating. 

Momentum

Eventually, you get to a point where things start to flow more smoothly. The knots are looser, and even when they’re not, you’ve learned effective, efficient ways to undo them. The ball of yarn–a metaphor for your growth, awareness and understanding– is now quite large. The tangled mess that’s left doesn’t seem so daunting anymore. It still seems like it’s taking forever to get to where you want to go, but you’re invested now, and there’s no turning back. You’ve seen so much progress, and you know that something amazing is coming.

Begin

You’re learning and growing and applying new knowledge at a pace you’ve never imagined was possible. The other end of the yarn is in sight. All the things that were weighing you down don’t seem nearly as heavy anymore. You might get a glimpse of what life will be like on the other side of this work. Eventually, there are no more knots. You’ve conquered your confusion! You’ve tamed the tangles! You can think clearly. You can see the future. You can breathe.

Now, you’re finally ready to get started.

Winding yarn into a ball is only the beginning of a crochet or knitting project. You had to clear the space for your true creativity to shine. Once you are clear, then you can create. Take what you’ve done and make an impact on a whole new level. 

This is how coaching works. I help you identify and work through the tangles so that you can create with clarity, courage and confidence. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s exciting. Sometimes it feels like nothing is happening… until it does. Something clicks. You have an “ah-ha moment” or breakthrough inspiration, and you see what you couldn’t see on your own that changes everything. You become who you always wanted to be. What will you create from there?